feb 28

I made it to the last day of February before I caved and watched The Shining. This is the longest into winter I've ever gone before falling into its particular moody psychotic winter atmosphere tonic for weary winter soul (or however you want to say it) but I've needed these mountains and needed these twins.
Times are tough. But tomorrow is March. We're gonna make it.

feb 27

The week has been a little trying but I've been spending so much quality time with Adam. A few pictures from the last couple days.
When I look back at photographs I realize how hard I look at the background - for traces of us, for what we were doing and reading and sleeping under and watching and playing. I'm going to try and remember to document our nests, as well as us.

feb 26 Tue

February has somehow been very long. But we can see the end of it.
It's been rough. The last few days have been super busy and off-schedule and I'm happy and relaxed this morning, happy to be home in the quiet and the sunshine. There are a pair of bluebirds in the yard, in the pear tree across from the bluebird house. I hope they're making a nest in there.
Adam was home sick yesterday, I think he was just sick in that exhausted headcold dreary melancholy way; we watched Coco and Goosebumps 2 and he ate Subway and I did a test run for his Thursday Read Across America Book Character Costume makeup as Slappy from The Goosebumps series. He agreed that it was the best sick day he'd ever had. Last night he had trouble sleeping, but it can be hard to switch it back on after a big weekend, after a busy week, etc. Sometimes it's hard to feel like I'm helping him navigate society and anxiety when I have trouble doing those things myself. But I'm trying.
Not even 10:30 am! I'm going to watch Home & Family, take a shower and make something for brunch.

feb 24

What a weekend. Yesterday we took Adam and crew (Evan, Ripley & Justin) to Chuck E Cheese in Cinci. There are high winds and the electricity outages, so this morning the three of us played Scrabble while I drank mcdonalds coffee. It was a crash day. I even took a nap!

The kids had the best time yesterday. Adam got in the ticket blaster, which easily made the whole trip worth it even if they hadn't loved everything, which they did. They're good kids.

feb 21

It's my Mama's birthday.
So apparently last night I did the thing again where I compose the journal entry in my head but fail to type it out. I was thoroughly surprised there was no entry from yesterday! What did I even do yesterday?
Ah yes. It was my chill day. I did nothing but a little laundry. I colored and watched horror movies.
Today the SUN was out, we'd forgotten it. Long evening doing homework with Adam (this part was mainly Adam and Eric doing long pages of multiplication and fractions while I attempted only half successfully to make pancake dippers with bacon), but it felt productive and Eric is fucking amazing with our kid.

feb 19

It's been a bang up day. I went to Chillicothe by myself to Hobby Lobby etc to get supplies, made a breakfast casserole that was done (gravy and all!) in time for Mike to take some home for dinner. Then Heather came over at everyone else's bedtime and we made three sets of tile coasters. They're very impressive.
And I'm very tired. It's waaay past my bedtime. Pictures tomorrow.

Mon Feb 18

It's been a rough few daytimes but the evenings are redeeming. Eric and I have had some good talks; he stopped after work and got me cotton candy as a surprise which makes for the best cotton candy.

feb 17

The rain and grey are tugging me down so I sorta conjured a sunny spot in embroidery.
Rain.
Grey.
Blah.

feb 16

It's been an ups & down kinda day. Twitchy. But I finished Amy's scarf, made and awesome supper, drank Ski from a glass bottle. So the evening redeemed the day. Here are some pictures.

feb 15

It's only 11:30am which is way early for me to be doing this, but I've got a busy day coming up so I want to make sure I do it now. Connor is coming over so Heather can go to Jude's Valentine's Day Party (as a 5th grader, Adam no longer cares about such things as Mom coming to school during a rare free hour), then after school Ripley is coming over. I've taken drinks to the school and done a bunch of cleaning already. Kicking off my official work hiatus! Monday I'll go yarn shopping...

feb 14

Eric left me a handmade valentine shaped like a heart this morning. It said inside " do you love me? yes/no" - I said Yes.

Today was my last day at work for awhile. It wasn't a busy day as far as Valentine's Days go, but Jeanine, Holly & I all unplanned wore red and black, it was adorable and we got pictures.

So so ready for the break. I'm going to make so much shit.

feb 13

Dark and cold forever I guess?
I've begun at Menacing Hedge again. I told Kelly I would start reading again last week (and actually several times before that over the last few months but I've chickened out up til now) but waited to say it and make it real intil it actually was real by me doing it. If that makes sense. Tenuous grasp on the English language for a fiction editor. But hey, I'm doing it.

feb 12

Winter is tugging me down. All this cold, dark rain. But I'm plugging along.

feb 11

We've been talking today about going west next summer - Grand Titon Nat'l Park, Yellowstone, Badlands, Devil's Tower...

Rain, rain. Cold icy rain. Blah. Wish it were snow.

feb 10

Surprise snow his afternoon! Beautiful fat flakes. Supposed to turn to rain shortly, ugh.

Had a nice easy, quiet weekend, it's been lovely. Almost half-done with Amy's scarf.

feb 9 sat

Well, apparently the problem with drafting journal entries in your head is that if it's really late and you're really tired you can forget to actually open up the laptop and type it out... that must've been what happened last night.

Nice calm easy Saturday, my favorite kind. Adam is on his Switch, packing to go to Mom & Dad's, Eric is installing the new gun safe (a necessity with kids running in and out of the house), I'm knitting a scarf for Amy and watching Inception. It's sunny, 32 degrees.

I dreamed about hummingbirds in winter, they were in the yard in the cold and I was worrying for them. If that's not a global warming dream I don't know what it was.

We skipped the winetasting last night, and I'm glad. I'm having a hard time distinguishing between things anxiety is making me not want to do but that I actually really want to do (like meeting Chantal, or going to Staci's bday party) and things I just really don't want to do. I have a lot of brain work to do on my motivation for things; my wants are so mixed up with ulterior motives based on other people's wants that I have a difficult time understanding my own wants.

But anyway. It's a nice day with the weekend stretched out in front of us and no pressing responsibilities to finish it. What more could I want? ;)

feb 7

Well, today was a day but it's over. Finally done with candy. The day ended much better than it started, though, with Heather comin over to talk and watch Penny Dreadful. And I'm off tomorrow!

feb 6

I think Adam's birthday turned out pretty well. He seemed pretty happy and satisfied with the fanfare -decorations, & I put a card in his lunch. He opened presents after school (out 2hrs early for high water - just a week after snow days, it's 60degrees) and we met Eric in Chillicothe to eat at Longhorn, pet puppies at Petland, and go to Gamestop and Walmart in Jackson. We sang Happy Birthday and he blew out candles, with a bright pink squishy llama that was definitely not the llama from Fortnite but it was the best I could do! The candles had green/blue flames.* He and Eric had cake, then Adam played games on his Switch. It sounds like a nice birthday for an eleven-yr-old boy? I don't know - but nice for Adam. He doesn't seem to be too distracted by what's nice/typical for his peers. I love the person he's becoming - or revealing? Maybe a bit of both.






*I find color descriptions really satisfying today - might be all the bright decorations

feb 5 tuesday

Okay yes I skipped yesterday but it was a bad day and I was overwhelmed with candy-making melancholia and hysteria which has, fortunately, ended. I had a break-from-candy day and went to Hobby Lobby for yarn and Kroger for groceries.

Poor Eric is coming down with an awful cold! He's gone to bed early the past two nights.

I've just finished hanging a ridiculous amount of decorations up for Adam to wake up to in the morning. I'm VERY happy with the results.


here's that boy, with his dogs, and my embroidery.

5 Weeks Embroidery

feb 3

Candy is finished! Almost 2,ooo pieces.
I'm never making candy again.
We watched the Puppy Bowl & Kitten Bowl, and a piece of the Super Bowl halftime show, so I guess we celebrated the football occasion.
Tired.
Bed.

feb 2

it's been a day. Chocolate-making is insanely time-consuming, I think I should finish tomorrow.

Complicated weekend. Eic and I got into it lst night but I think we're okay now.

Adam went to a school dance tonight, the Valentine Dance at the Memorial Building. Beofre bed tonight, he snuggled u o the couch to watch TV like when he was littler. Can't seem to type "when he was little" without the "r".

Life is interesting.

feb 1

Made it through January. Another snow day today, woke up to snow, not enough to do much with and way too cold and windy to enjoy it. No sun. Still feels like January. I'm knitting my eyebrows with these unwelcome feelings but here they are. I've got Tea and X-Files and crafts and family and my brain and I'll keep on keepin on. The sun'll come out tomorrow ;)




There's value in all the little things you can do that collectively add up - crafts, cleaning, writin, any *making* - that adds up in little heartbeats - I am here, I am here